Gathering the Courage to Be All In
What does it mean to be all in? In poker, the term “all-in” means that a player has put the last of their chips into the pot. When a player is “all in”, she can not perform another action because they don’t have any chips left. In a life transition such as a break up, divorce, or death of a loved one – to be all in means to gather the courage to step outside of your comfort zone, again be vulnerable.
I’m a Cancer, so what’s most comfortable for me is hiding behind walls to shield me from those scary things called emotions. If the wall doesn’t work, I can Flow around like the water that I am. (Anything but face *IT* head on).
Some of you might know that I’m going through HIIT emotional training – aka divorce – and through it I’m putting in the work around courage, vulnerability, authenticity, joy, emotional strength. I’m daily choosing to live in an authentic manner, which means I have to come from behind that familiar Cancerian wall. It’s such a reliable defense why wouldn’t you use it?
Over the weekend, I’ve had the opportunity to think about this. I even had the chance to practice vulnerability, authenticity ignoring the risks of rejection or shame. I’m finding that while the wall gives the illusion of safety, the amount of safety that the wall affords is always only relative to the scope and magnitude of the threat. For one, the wall doesn’t protect you from threats from within, which are more pernicious than the ones from without. After all, you are your own worst enemy!
I found that the wall can be a comfortable, convenient defense. But it’s also a LAZY one. Any civilization that’s relied on a wall for its defenses has eventually been toppled — in spectacular ways. Usually the toppling comes from the forces within.
So whether it’s a yoga pose, a high stakes relationship – or just getting out of bed some days – choose to get in the arena and be all in.